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My absolute least favorite holiday of the year approaches. I don’t think my rebellion to this particular celebration of the American Way is purely religious. I do not think it is Satan’s birthday. I am not sure it is a night of special demonic activity. I just don’t like it for a lot of earthly reasons.
- We had more nuisance calls for rubbish fires and set trash fires on that date than on any other during the year.
- Ask the cops about vandalism, if your house wasn’t hit…
- Just what we need, an excuse to extort neighbors for empty calories
- I have never seen “Halloween” the movie, or “Friday the thirteenth” and I am all for personal freedom, but anybody seeing “Saw” more than once should be monitored by a government agency. Tis the season…
- Gore is not entertainment, not the former V.P. nor the display of blood and guts one sees all over on Halloween.
- Christians look really foolish with their “Hell houses” and most Halloween alternatives are unfortunately lame.
- Candy corn is just wrong
- Little kids with “Scream” masks are not funny. They should not even know such movies exist.
- Being “attacked” by a chain- less chainsaw in a fun house or while on a hayride holds no entertainment value for me.
- Pre-pubescent girls dressed like hookers is sad, just sad.
- Pubescent girls using the holiday to dress like prostitutes just makes me wonder how many kids are orphans , what are the parents thinking?
- Soaping windows is bad, waxing windows is just evil.
- Toilet paper looks bad on trees.
Putting the worst on display seems to me to be what Halloween is all about. the occasional ”fancy dress party” or costume ball is a lot of fun, but the night has come to mean a different thing. Our worst nightmares on display, the dark side magnified, the nasty made normal , that is what it is today.
I have a mixture of Halloween memories, good and bad. Panting for breath behind a Superman mask and wearing those “really cute” homemade costumes my mom made, not too good. Bobbing for apples, going on scavenger hunts and playing hide and seek at the MYF in rural America are good memories. This blog is not the place to tell the tail of the MYF Halloween Hayride where the minister’s daughter taught me a thing or two,[ it was innocent by today's standards] , but that was a good memory.
So am I just a Fundamental Evangelical grouch? Am I missing the hidden goodness of a young child with an ax stained with fake blood? Should I not be upset by dozens of witches walking the streets? If you think I am overreacting, tell me. In the meantime , I say, ”Down with Gore, Yeah Hayrides!” Take it any way you wish.
By the way, any un-lame Halloween alternatives? I would like to do something beside leave the lights off and hide behind the couch.
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