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There is much talk on the web these days about church discipline, as well there should be. There is also a lot of information on youth ministry. So with tongue firmly in cheek, I offer this imaginary blog post. It was inspired by a post, by a true servant of God who is in youth ministry. Pray for him, it is a rough job! The following has no basis in reality, but I hope brings a chuckle.
YouthMinister Blog says…
We had a lock in last night. 27 youth were confined in the church basement with pizza, games, cool Christian movies ,and surround sound Casting Crowns and News Boys. The pastor organized the event, but was unable to attend due to a scheduling conflict with his Christian Bridge Club. I have never been invited to this club, it must be about bridging the gap to the unbelieving, I think.
Things went well. No one died. I had 5 Red Bulls to keep going and I still feel great. The shaking is subsiding. There were a few problems. Two 7th grader girls were hanging on an an 18 year old boy and try as I might to communicate the undesirability of this they refused to cooperate. One girl who is a member of the church and should know better was just behaving poorly. It was a bit frustrating. Well I am going to the clinic now. My wife says it is not a good sign to have nose bleeds and facial tics, but the other youth ministers have the same simptoms so it can’t be bad. Maybe we should have prayed before we started the night off.
Ah, an opportunity to teach church discipline! Good luck with that. We live in a culture without discipline, hence your problem.. I used to do teen ministry. I am thankful that it is past tense. I would suggest using a Taser, since I am not in your church and will not be there when it all breaks lose. I will read the news on the blogosphere, “Youth minister Tasers two 7th graders for raging hormones and an 18 year old just because. He then Tased a member of his own church and held the button down till the battery died. ” I guess you can’t do that, but would not Student Ministry be more enjoyable if the most heard quote was, “Don’t Tase me man, don’t Tase me!” ? I mean more enjoyable for you. I’ll bet we would get a lot more volunteers to work with youth if we issued Tasers. Hey this isn’t like adultery is it? You know where Jesus said don’t even think about it? Naw, can’t be. After all there is no commandment “thou shall not Tase.” Can you not think of a young person that a few thousand volts administered at the appropriate time would not be a blessing? Spare the volts and spoil the child. Tasers are small, relatively inexpensive and their use takes little training. Life Way will soon offer Tasers at a reduced cost to SBC churches. AoG churches offer their own version,” Slain in the Amperage”, which has the added feature of causing the target to speak in strange tongues while voltage is applied. The Methodist model is not recommended, as it consists of a recording that says, “Imagine you were Tased, Hurts doesn’t it?” Shalom,, and you better pray before you open the doors to youth!
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