Filed under: faith, Fire Fighters, Uncategorized | Tags: Alchoholics Anonymous, ATHEISM, Chief, depression, Fire Service, God, love, Nature
Tunnel through the rail road fill at 7 tubs.
I have been going through some tunnel times. I seem to be much better at getting a second interview than I am at getting a job. I am sick of being broke, church giving is down, it rains a lot, my aches have aches, and I am generally miserable. Worst of all i spent a lot of time this week with Johnny. Johnny was my assistant Fire Chief for about 5 years back when i was Chief. he saved my rear in a figurative way a couple times, and I think God used him to save my life once.
The reason spending time with Johnny put the icing on my depression cake is that he has become a practicing alcoholic. johnny is 7 years younger than I, but now he looks 10 years older. his hands shake, his face is lined deeply, his legs can hardly hold him up. His dad died of alcohol in 73, his pretty younger sister dies about six years ago, same thing. I love this man, and just know he is on the way out. I have tried praying, preaching, and invites to AA. Without a Damascus road experience he will go the way of his family. I don’t see John often, but every once in a while, in the dead of night he will stop by, drunk as a skunk and smelling worse, to reminisce and wake me up. It only happens two or three times a year.
I was with Johnny because he called me Wednesday, his mom had passed away. He needed his Chief. I was with him as much as I could be. We went to the funeral Mass at The Holy Redeemer. His mom was a strong Catholic, but it didn’t take for John. They have a new priest, and I enjoyed[90%] of his homily. Their beautiful building with its vaulted ceilings is a lot different from, Dayspring’s drop ceiling plainness. I hear they are going to sell it, and as much as I would love to preach there, i just don’t see that happening. Very Christ centered. I stayed with him for the burial and the little dinner after. We sent over a ham and some buns, it is about all I can do. I can’t reassure him, or promise reunion, he is not a believer. he told me that this existence is Hell. His theology is really wrong, but he is strong in his disbelief.
Anyway, the Godlessness of the situation brought me to a dark spot. I have to watch my self. I have been really depressed in the past, and if I let my Gospel armor loosen, and if I do not take care of me and walk closer to God i can get so down i can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I took a hike with son in law Mark, [Eutychus to us] , and took some pictures and walked the blues away. It lifted me, may you enjoy. These are from the Seven tubs Recreational area in my home County of Lucerne.
The tree tops of north East Pa. The colors are coming in.
Looking out to the Blue Ridge Mountains , across the Susquehanna valley
One of the Seven tubs
Markus Eutychus, excellent hiking partner!
So how can you stay depressed with such natural glory around? How can i be down when God has taken me through the tunnels of cancer, and pain, and paralysis? Do I think God retired? Am I silly or simple enough to think that He who started a good work in me will nor complete it? Being around people who have shut out God really runs me down, being around God and His works is my prescription. Hope you like the photos!
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Willohroots 
Beautiful pictures.
I know how much it can sap your spiritual reserves trying to give and give, especially to one who you care so much about, is in so much pain and with the added weight of trying to convey the gospel.
My dad died 6 years ago at the age of 65. I tried talking to him about the Lord for about 15 years. Throughout those years, as I prayed, the Lord would periodically put on my heart that my dad would accept Jesus just before his death. Our then assistant pastor went in to talk to him, and prayed with him to receive Christ, 5 days before he died.
He had suffered terribly throughout his life with depression and alcoholism. And his death was a painful one. I was so relieved for him that his time of emotional and physical pain was over.
What I found out in those days and weeks following, as I read cards from his dear friends, and even notes that were written inside cards and a small bible at the time of his birth, I realized that God had many people praying for him throughout his life. I had always thought I was the only one. God is faithful to speak to our loved ones through many, many avenues. We each can only do what we can do, in Christ’s strength, and then we must leave them to the Lord. They are his workmanship, just as we are, too.
Praise God that Johnny does come to see you those few times throughout the year. Even though it may seem that what you say isn’t getting through, it is. It’s kind of like trying to teach a teenager. 😉 It seems that some of those who look to be the furthest from making a decision for Christ, are really the ones who are closest. Be of good cheer, friend.
Comment by Dorci October 11, 2009 @ 01:40Beautiful pictures! They make me long for the northeast.
It is hard to be so down that you can’t see the light, but that is what depression seems to do. May the Lord keep you in His light and focused on Him.
Comment by John October 12, 2009 @ 14:33Will, I know where you’re coming from. As I was approaching my last days of being employed and shortly thereafter, I had a former coworker call me from time to time telling me how bad things here “out there.” She had been laid off about seven months prior to me.
I’m not one to use “positive mental attitude” for the sake of being positive, but it got to the point to where I needed to screen the phone calls. I could not afford to commiserate. I needed to stay positive and focused on the good of my situation. Reason? As you know, it’s so easy to get sucked into the bad of unemployment and it does you no good whatsoever.
Then pile your situation with your friend on top of it…well, that’s just down-right miserable.
We’re heard it said that God only gives you what you can handle and no more. But I’m not sure that’s really in the Bible, at least not put that way. God’s strength in perfected in our weakness and I know that you and I are going through that right now.
I’m starting to hold my hands above my head more of late. More so than just saying: “Hey, You’re in charge and I’m not,” I’m trying to do it more as “Abba! Father! Help me, Lord!”
Thank God for your son-in-law. I think that walk did wonders for you and you have blessed me with such wonderful pictures of God’s creation. Simply gorgeous.
God’s blessings be upon you, my brother!
Comment by Joe Chavez October 12, 2009 @ 15:51Dorci, we have a whole lot in common! I would never discourage johnny from stopping by, i just need to realize the toll long term contact makes, and deal with it. Your comment means a lot to me.
John, I love the north east. i lived below the Mason dixon line for a while, too many bugs, not enough snow! Thanks for the kind words.
Joe, I know 1 cor 10 13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
Comment by willohroots October 12, 2009 @ 20:06That covers temptation, but trials, well i think that can go on for a while. God has provided manna for me in the oddest ways, I do not doubt that that will continue. I put out a couple apps last week, one for a job I would really love. My hands are up in the air too!
Will,
Comment by jeofurry October 14, 2009 @ 17:56Sorry I haven’t been around to comment and read more. I have been thinking about you, but I have been swamped with school stuff and down a computer at home.
Just wanted to say, I love you brother. I love your honesty and willingness to share. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you walk through this difficult time. Thank you for sharing the story and the pictures and the encouragement in the face of despair.
I hope you are doing well with Liberty. I have been praying for your ministry. I m so blessed, I will be fine. It could be that God will be pointing me at a full time ministry, it sure was today! As He Wills! Peace brother.
Comment by willohroots October 14, 2009 @ 23:27